Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
