Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
