Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
