just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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