Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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