What did we do last night that was yellow?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
