my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
