Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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