sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
