I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
