Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
