Barsexuality is the new black.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
