Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
