Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Semen is not good for contacts.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
