I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize