So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
