i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
