Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
