Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
