he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
