Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
