she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
