omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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