hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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