He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
