Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
