how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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