you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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