dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
