Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
