Already got asked if we're dating
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize