a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
