Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
