No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize