Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
