if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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