I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
