she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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