so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
