You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
