I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
