We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
