Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
