Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
