shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
