Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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