I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
