The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
