I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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