You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize