this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
