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I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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