Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
