I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
