you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
