That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
