any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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