It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she told me i tasted like america
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
