im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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