Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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