Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
