Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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