I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
