i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I sprained my soul last night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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