Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
