i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
