Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
